One Day in Cairo

A typical day:

Wake up. Roommate is still asleep, and will be until about 12pm. Dress in the dark. Common room is empty; all the girls who were up until 5am shrieking and doing their homework have since passed out.

Hunger pains kick in. Try to quietly eat a Luna bar while checking CNN. Think nostalgically of things like oatmeal, cereal, or eggs. Remember that you don't have a kitchen, stove, refrigerator or microwave. Curse.

Barely make the shuttle to campus, which is the only thing in all of Egypt that is ever on time or early.

Go to Arabic class. Understand a full sentence; feel triumphant.

Grab a lunch of ful (fava beans) and ta'mayiah (falafel) sandwiches. Spend 17 US cents, and be full for the time being.

Be catcalled or hissed at on the streets, but shrug it off because at least you weren't grabbed like some girls you know. Cross traffic. Use 2 of your 9 lives. Avoid stepping on cats.

Go to the library, and spend 10 minutes letting gmail load. Retreat outdoors, get a 34 cent Coca-Cola Light, and avoid the Gucci Corner sprawled out across the steps.

Go to class. Sit in awe at the questions people ask/answers they give. (e.g. My creative writing professor, to an English major: "Are there any particular poets you like?" Her: "I once read "The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.") Realize it's going to be a long semester.

Go to the copy shop to buy your 40LE course packet for the week that flaunts all copyright laws.

Return to the dorms. Have your bag, no matter the size or transparency, searched by a guard who jumps up to stop you. Marvel at his or her hustle, the speed of which is unparalleled in Egypt. Notice the chief guards laughing at your obvious annoyance while they watch TV. Grow more and more resentful. Ask what they're looking for. Answer: "Your gun or bomb." (...seriously)

Attempt to go to the gym. Find that: 1) The two treadmills are occupied; 2) The gym is closed for repair; or 3) The gym is closed, period. Upon further examination notice that the gym's hours are about as consistent as your wireless Internet, and allow for 4 hour lunch breaks for the man who is either never at his desk anyway or watches you for the duration of your run.

Attempt to use your floor's only bathroom to take a shower. Be stopped at the beginning of the hallway because a man is on the floor. Go up a flight. Be judged walking down the stairs in your towel.

Attempt to purchase some healthy food. Find that everything is fried, made with whole cream or whole butter (this includes yogurt and cooked vegetables), or loaded with sugar or simple carbs. Look wistfully at the imported Special K. Attempt to justify an US$8 box of cereal, and then remember you don't have a refrigerator for the (whole) milk. Watch your vision of really getting into good shape this semester go out the window.

Go to a local restaurant and order a chocolate and banana fateer (kind of like an Elephant Ear, but more decadent) because why the hell not. Have the incredibly overeager bus boy steal your drink/soup/meal away from you when you're not looking. Formulate multiple theories: do they get paid by the semi-empty dish they return to the kitchen? Does the restaurant only have one soup tureen? Are they just hungry? Debate and discuss while waiting 30 minutes for the check.

Embrace the conversion rate.

Do no homework, because it's Egypt. Attempt to Skype; lose wireless.

Receive creepy phone call on your dorm phone from man with raspy, high-pitched, accented voice. Have him ask, "Who is this?", "Can I see you?", or today's favorite, "Will you play on the phone with me for just five minutes?" Hang up. Wonder if it's someone from the outside community or one of the guards.

Go downstairs to do homework socialize with your male friends. Receive warning for being on the patio after 11pm with a boy.

Return to room. Roommate is already asleep. Sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat.