Quick update:

Went to the doctor today, mainly because AUC is like high school and professors require doctor's notes. Described symptoms.

Cure?

Potatoes.

"Only eat potatoes. Boiled potatoes. Mashed potatoes. Baked potatoes. No milk, no fruits, no fats, no vegetables..."--waaait a second, aren't potatoes vegetables?--"...and no bread. Potatoes. And in two days it will be gone, insha'Allah."

...really? I mean, I know starch is key here but...

Needless to say, I'm not eating any potatoes, even if I could find some here. And even if I had a kitchen in which to prepare them.

I took the permission slip and crawled back into bed.